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Blurred World

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World is so blurred for me. Can’t see it- can’t feel it. I can only see people who are close to me; I can only understand people near me. Who crosses my blurred line are the only people I let in my comfort zone. But I am scared, so frightened to give them that access- I am afraid if they walk away from me, far away, how will I see them? How will I feel them? How will I reach out to them? How will I find them? When they merge with my blurred world, when they get lost in the sea of millions of people, leaving me alone… how will I stop myself from tearing apart? How will I be able to stick broken pieces when I can’t even see them? When I couldn’t recognize parts of myself? Scattered among billions of people? That’s why I try to stay away- I am too broken to take another blow on my heart… too weak to search and joint those broken self.

Call me scared-y cat or coward, but I can’t defend myself anymore, I don’t wanna feel that pain again or I will be numbed- void of emotions and feelings- because everything- everyone- has a limit. And once that is broken, either it will self-destruct or become a human robot, unable to feel anything, heart frozen- too cold for anyone to melt it. That’s why I wear lens to see the world clearly, to cover my eyes so no one could reach me, to mask my shattered and messed up self, to veil all the chaos happening inside my head. Wearing a fake smile and with haunting loneliness, I march into this cruel world, trying to hide myself and to disappear in the crowd so no one could know the real me, my dark side deeply engraved in my heart, buried deep down.

Why? Because… I don’t want anyone to rip it out, damaging its root and collapsing my world. And when bored of me, when I can’t interest them anymore, throwing it away and letting me writhe like a wilted flower…

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Chained

I always wonder why are we bounded by so many things, why freedom is just a myth. My heart raced as my mind raged. I wanted the answers that no one can give, i was searching for a treasure that no one has ever seen. i looked all around and you know what i found?  We humans, we cannot be left free. We need something to chain us down. Whether it be responsibilities, family or friends. We are cuffed by passions, by desires, by love, by hate… so many facades. Its in our nature to be controlled, by anything it doesn’t matter- greed or goals. Consumed by our desires, no way to break free, stuck between wanting more or letting it go.

Love Is Not Just Romance

LOVE is not just between a girl and a boy.
   Love is when your mother cries with you even though you have hurt her. Love is when you annoy your siblings but will protect them at any costs. Love is when you see a small delicate stray animal and rush to help it. Love is when you can’t watch poor people suffer, can’t see your brothers and sisters struggle. Love is when you send a short but sweet texts to your loved ones. Love is when God bless you with so much mercy even if you know you don’t deserve it.

   No it’s not just romance but it’s a huge existence itself. It’s not just about about intimacy, it’s also about for whom your heart is open wide. Love is when you stand behind someone, having their back through thick and thin, even if you- yourself are about to break down.

   It’s all in those small beautiful moments that we dismiss as happy memories. It’s all in that smile of a child to your mother’s mirth. It’s also about sacrifice and caring, nourishing and strengthening our bonds, with our lôver, friends, family or GOD.

   It’s all about our flaws and imperfections being loved and accepted. 

   This is what I call true ‘love’❤

Broken Souls

(Inspired)

Its such a funny thing, how we treat people like they are objects. How we expect them to say what’s bothering them without hesitation. Yeah, you can figure out what’s wrong with your cellphone, your computer, tablet, your watch. You can tell exactly where it stopped, when it broke, what’s the solution, how to fix it. But with people it’s not that easy, no, not easy at all. You see, you cannot even tell if a person is broken or fighting scariest demon inside, trying to calm the raging monster inside, trying to hide it’s existence, putting off a cover of something he’s not. It’s so frightening, so heart-wrenching. How unreachable people are, how broken souls are… Scattered everywhere. And we? We carelessly move, stomping on those pieces, not caring what if accidentally we ever step on that small delicate fragment of that soul, ripping it so fatally, wounding their core. Not knowing what damage you did to that lonely heart who just wanted to hide.